Drug Test FAQ

Wednesday, January 15th, 2014

My guide to cheating drug tests has become one of the most popular articles on SC. Here are some common questions we get regarding drug tests, and the answers to them!

I have been clean 2 weeks, what are my chances of passing a drug test for THC?
Depends. If you are an athlete with low body fat and regularly exercise, you have a good chance. If you’re an average person (normal or more-than-average body fat) but only smoke once or twice a week you’ve also got a good chance. You can improve your chances by diluting your urine and supplementing with creatine/B12. Even a heavy smoker will often pass with 2 weeks clean and dilution. It’s just not a guarantee.

Do any drug tests test for gender?
No, neither a panel/EMIT test, a radioimmunoassay test, nor a GC/MS will ever test for gender, DNA, age, or anything other than presence of drugs and legitimacy (meaning if it’s real or not). Checking for DNA or those types of things without permission would be a huge violation of privacy and your medical rights.

Does a drug test check for temperature?
Yes, in almost all instances drug tests will include temperature tests. It is normally going fail you if you’re above 99˚F (37.2˚C) or below 96˚F (35.5˚C). So try to keep your urine at body temperature – that is 98.6˚F (37˚C).

Do urine cleansers or detox kits work? Which one should I buy?
No, they do not work and you should not buy them. They are a scam that just gives you some basic supplements (creatine and B12) and tell you to drink a bunch of water. Instead, dilute yourself by buying your own supplements for cheap and drinking a bunch of water. Or you can substitute urine and have a clean friend pee for you or buy synthetic urine to use.

Will a (5/7/9/10/11/12) panel test detect synthetic urine?
No, assuming it is good, modern synthetic stuff. They only test for temperature, presence of drugs, and presence of urea in some states (Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, West Virginia, California, Ohio, and Canada). Synthetic urine is specifically designed to beat panel tests, however if a test gets sent to a lab it could fail.

Will a lab test detect synthetic urine?
No, however you have to make sure it is formulated to account for pH balance, uric acid, and creatine. The most popular option is QuickFix Plus, and I have heard from a number of reliable sources that it works great.

Can a test fail for lack of smell or color?
Nope, it will only fail if your temperature is over two degrees hotter or colder than 98.6˚F, or if there’s no urea present. Or if it detects drugs of course. However if you’re paranoid you can take some B12 vitamin before your test to give your urine a yellow hue.

How long does it take to pass a drug test for THC?
It depends on a number of factors. For the average smoker – someone who takes a few hits nearly every day – you can refer to the chart below. Keep in mind, this is just my estimation of your chance of passing naturally without any dilution or effort into getting clean (in fancy chart format). If you dilute your urine and take measures to expel the THC beforehand (by exercising and such) you can significantly improve your rate of success.
graph
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Will synthetic weed show up on a drug test?
That depends on the test. Most panel tests will not catch fake weed products. This includes the banned JWH series and so forth. But more and more tests are including synthetic THC, and a GC/MS would easily pick it up. The best advice (besides not using them) is to simply avoid the banned and well-known substances and opt for the more obscure alternatives. This obviously opens yourself up to the danger of unknown reactions and so forth, so proceed with great caution.

How long will urine last stored?
Room temp – maybe 8 hours or so max, realistically a few hours
Refrigerated – about a month
Frozen – a year or more

Will my employer perform a GC/MS, and if not what type of test will they administer?
Sometimes an employer will simply give you a panel test. These are the little cups that have a strip on them that tell you if you pass or fail. These are both the easiest to trick and the most unreliable. Often times they’ll give you a “lab test,” which involves physically traveling to a laboratory where they’ll administer a slightly more elaborate test. The lab will check for temperature, presence of creatine, pH balance, and adulterants. The best way to cheat a lab test is to dilute or substitute synthetic/clean urine.

GC/MS tests are almost never performed for the average person. You pretty much only see these for a security clearance or something important like that. They’re too expensive for most places. If anything a GC/MS will simply be used to “confirm” a positive (failed) test result.
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What’s the best way to substitute urine?
Some people like to use a condom since they’re thin and transmit heat easily. Plus, girls can put them inside themselves to keep it the perfect temperature. However I don’t recommend that because it would be catastrophic if the condom broke.

Here’s my suggested method: Get a little bottle with a secure lid (like a 5 Hour Energy bottle) and make sure it’s perfectly clean. Put your substitute urine in there (either synthetic or clean from a friend) and wrap it with a hand-warmer. Keep a thermometer in there to make sure it stays between 96˚ and 99˚F (or 35.5˚ to 37˚C). This is an easy method as long as nobody is watching. You can also spend money on a whizzinator though I don’t think that’s necessary.
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Will my drug test look for alcohol or cigarettes?
Unless your test is for insurance purposes, normally it will not. Sometimes for probation on a DUI, underage drinking or “Minor in Possession” they will test for alcohol but it is a very crappy test and you can literally drink the night before and still pass. There’s a separate test (the EtG test) specifically for alcohol that can go back 72 hours and you’d know if they were using that one.

My take home test gave me a very faint line, did I fail?
No, any line no matter how faint on your take-home test means you passed the test. It’s counter-intuitive, I know. As long as it shows up you’re good. If it’s blank then it means you’ve failed the test.

Is there any way to beat a hair test?
Now I’m not absolutely sure on this, but there is new evidence that suggests using hair relaxers can help pass a hair test significantly. Something like 95% of the THC was mitigated in some experiments. Other than that, no.

How long should I work out before the test?
Any fat you can burn off in the weeks before your test is great. Try to sweat out as much of the fat as you can (meaning lots of cardio), then about 2-3 days before your test stop working out and load up on fat. This will help remove the fat-laden THC from your body and then mix in clean fat to reduce the concentration. Combine this with dilution and it will work wonders!
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Which drugs will not show up on a drug test (urine)?
Keep in mind the following could result in false positives, and you could always just get faulty tests, but these drugs should not trip your standard panel drug test:

  • Ketamine*
  • Tramadol*
  • Fentanyl*
  • Muscle relaxers (Carisoprodol, Cyclobenzaprine, etc)*
  • MDMA*
  • LSD
  • Mushrooms
  • Mescaline (Peyote, Peruvian Torch, San Pedro, etc)
  • Kratom
  • DXM
  • Various synthetic cannabinoids (avoid the banned ones like JWH-018)
  • Nitrous
  • Research chemicals (2c-*, DO*, *-NBOMe, etc)
  • Tobacco

*The marked drugs WILL show up on a lab test, but the rest will pass.
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Which legal drugs can false positive for illegal drugs?
Keep in mind I’ve never heard any success stories of people using the “false positive” excuse to explain a bad result. But these are known to false positive, and you should avoid them before a test if you’re trying to trick one:

  • Any cough syrup – DXM or dextromethorphan is an opioid agonist, and it can confuse a test into thinking you have opiate metabolites in your urine.
  • Allergy medicine – Anything with pseudoephedrine or any -ephedrine can trip a test for amphetamine or MDMA usage. Allergy meds also commonly have DXM as well.
  • OTC or prescription Stimulants – It should probably go without saying that things like Adderall (amphetamine salts) would trip a test for amphetamine, but now it’s said. No excuses.
  • “Legal weed” blends (or synthetic cannabinoids) – Ever since the K2 and Spice craze of 2010, more tests have been including these drugs in their line-up. They will show up under THC.
  • Hemp oil, hemp seeds and poppy seeds.

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If you have a question of your own, make sure it isn’t answered already on this page (ctrl+f to help you find what you need). If not, comment there or email me at lotus@stonerculture.com and I’ll answer as soon as I can!

Lotus Vaporizer: Future of Portable Vaping?

Sunday, January 22nd, 2012

All the new toys

All right, before I get into anything about this vaporizer, I need to remark on its name. This vape is labeled the Lotus Vaporizer; my favorite car is a Lotus, and I am known as Lotus. If that’s not the best coincidence ever, I don’t know what is. So when I heard that I would be reviewing a vaporizer with that title, I was very excited. I was also immediately aware that this type of bias could negatively affect readers who have no affiliation to the word “lotus,” so I made sure to include a number of neutral participants to provide their own insight. Ok, now let’s jump right in…
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SOPA/PIPA… Sopapilla?

Wednesday, January 18th, 2012

No, it’s not a delicious fried pastry, it’s the product of American politicians doing what they do best: pandering to overfunded lobbyists and being malicious douche bags. Needless to say, Stoner Culture would most likely not exist at all if SOPA (House Bill 3261) or PIPA were to pass. You can also say goodbye to all your other favorite drug resources as well! Erowid, Bluelight, TCC, DMT Nexus, Opiophile, etc etc. I don’t think a single one of them would exist.

If either SOPA or PIPA pass, dark times will lie ahead for the drug enthusiasts of America. We will no longer have access to the resources that have helped make us responsible and safety-conscious drug users.

Us stoners have a reputation of being so-called “slacktivists” – only complaining about problems without taking any action or offering up solutions. So let’s change that image! Go here: http://writerep.house.gov/writerep/welcome.shtml and tell your representative to vote against SOPA and PIPA as hard as they can. Remind them that as their constituent, they are working for you, more than they’re working for any lobby group or PAC.

Update: It looks like something happened! Google has reported 4.5 million signatures on their petition to stop SOPA/PIPA, and millions of others have signed at Avaaz, Fight for the Future, and the White House petition sites. An impressive number of websites blacked out their content, or publicly protested yesterday. Wikipedia, Craigslist, Mozilla Firefox, Reddit, Wired, Cracked, Ars Technica and Google (and a long list of 10,000 less prominent sites) went completely black yesterday, or joined the virtual rebellion by posting up messages and selectively censoring their sites.

In the most satisfying news, it would also appear that at least 10 senators have withdrawn support for SOPA. Three House Reps who initially co-sponsored the bill have backed out, weakening support at the very base. Politicians from all walks of life, including republicans from the deep South, withdrew their support. It may have taken the entire internet rising up, but it proves that – if nothing else – they aren’t completely bought out just yet.

Lotus

How to Smoke DMT

Tuesday, December 27th, 2011

When I’ve first learned and taken interest in a drug, I always immediately begin research on how to most effectively administer it. It sucks going back later and finding out a large portion of valuable drugs went to waste. However, when I came across DMT (by making it myself), I could not manage to find a concrete source on how to use it. Some people suggested tossing it on a bowl of weed, a few claimed the trick was hitting with a torch lighter, others suggested making a crude device called “The Machine,” or using a lightbulb vape/crackpipe to similar effect. I was even directed towards buying expensive bong attachments – or specially crafted, highly priced pieces – and vaporizers.

Believe me when I say I’ve tried every damn one of these suggestions. Now, with hundreds of dollars worth of DMT wasted, I know how to do it: vaporization.
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Stoner’s Guide to Cheating/Beating Drug Tests

Saturday, October 8th, 2011

I don’t know that there’s a cannabis enthusiast in America who has not faced a stressful drug test situation (I’ve certainly faced plenty). Whether they’re related to probation or employment, millions of Americans face worrisome drug screenings every year.

Even completely clean individuals break a sweat inside the testing office… Hell, we’ve all seen the Seinfeld episode where Elaine fails a drug test due to eating poppy seeds. It isn’t the most likely false positive scenario, but it is entirely possible. There are countless reasons why you might fail a drug test when no drugs have ever been ingested.

Americans should know their rights and when to exercise them, including (most importantly) those who are doing nothing wrong. If you’re on the wrong end of the justice system, the best-intentioned, most honorable man can be a victim. In this same vein, we should be well-versed in the capabilities and limitations of drug tests.

Short on time? Visit the Drug Test FAQ!
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Breaking Tolerance

Sunday, September 18th, 2011

Just how much time should pass for a solid tolerance break? I’ve heard this question many a time in my days of stonering, and as with all things drug, there’s no concrete answer. Naturally, the variance will be vast between a daily wake-and-baker and the weekend warrior. But that’s not to say we can’t have a general rule of thumb to follow…

For most people, about a week will suffice to accomplish the majority of the intended task. While cannabis does not entirely leave the system for multiple weeks, a majority of it will be gone in just 7 days. In this time, any residual effects from daily smoking should have passed, and you’ll feel fresh and alert.
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Yeah, This Post is About That

Wednesday, November 3rd, 2010

Well, what can I say America? You are, once again, a complete disappointment. I became disillusioned with American politics in general long ago, so to be honest it wasn’t too surprising or upsetting to find that one of the most important pieces of drug legislation was shot down by voters today. Even though I privately assumed this would happen months ago, when I first learned about Prop 19, the possible failure was an unspeakable opinion for most marijuana reform advocates.

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Lotus’ Guide to Psychedelic Use

Sunday, May 23rd, 2010

[stc: this was written by our established contributor Lotus, who is a frequent user of psychedelics and occasionally rides motocross stoned]
Tripping for the first time on a psychedelic can be a very stressful time for any person. Most people have no idea what to expect from a drug like LSD, psilocybe mushrooms, or mescaline, and the rumors and myths surrounding these drugs can make it difficult to tell fact from fiction. I’m going to try to tell you some things to help you out on what can be a life-changing experience, so that it’s a change for the better, and not the worse.

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Stoner Recipe: Cannabutter Cake With Lemon Sauce

Sunday, November 2nd, 2008

This tasty recipe is the second written for our site by Sassy Not Classy. For those who missed it, here’s the first recipe. Enjoy!

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For my next endeavour, I made a hot lemon sauce to go over a cake, which is very similar to lemon pie filling. The strong lemon flavour really covered up the weedy tasting butter. Lime juice and zest could be substituted to make a lime sauce.

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Glass Pipe Sanitation and Resin

Tuesday, October 28th, 2008

This article was written for the site by the same fellow who wrote the ecstasy trip report. This guide is perfect if you’re wondering how to clean a glass pipe while saving the resin.

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            Keeping your smoking instruments sanitary and clean is an important action in order to prevent buildup of bacteria, inhalation of ash and chemicals, and poor smoke taste.  If you own a glass piece, keeping it sanitary is easy to do and doesn’t take very long.  The benefit is a safer, better tasting smoke. You will also be instructed in the creation of crystallized pipe resin.

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