nocarbon from the Something Awful forums has graciously provided the following insight, and I believe it is an excellent look into the mysterious world of Suboxone withdrawal. So if you’re wondering what to expect in your own future, or questioning if suboxone is right for you, or even simply curious about that mystifying human experience, read on…

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General disclaimer: I’m as much a doctor as George Bush is a cowboy. This isn’t medical advice. It’s my experience.

Nocarbon’s guide to buprenorphine (suboxone/subutex) detox.

Considering long-term suboxone? Read this first:

Suboxone has its place in the world. For some, it’s deserving of its name as a “miracle drug.” If you’re doing a bundle of H a day and your family, finances, and body are being ravaged by opiates, then by all means Suboxone will help you get out of your rut. Kick ass.

If you’re sitting in a nice home, surrounded by a loving family, and you want to quit your insurance-funded 240mg of oxy per day for your “legit” pain issue, tough it out. Long-term Suboxone will be a step down the rung for you. It will do more damage than good for you. You are trading 3-5 days of withdrawal for weeks of hell.

You. You’re somewhere in this continuum. You really have to evaluate your position. Despite what you’ve been told by your board-certified NAABT doctor, suboxone withdrawal is hell. Don’t believe me? Go to bluelight, subsux.com, or any of the myriad of boards with thousands of people that will say the exact same thing. You think that you’re “clean,” really you’re only delaying the inevitable withdrawal.

(Disclaimer: your definition of “clean” may vary wildly from mine. Don’t get all worked up here. My definition of “clean” is that I don’t owe my body an agonizing withdrawal if I don’t take a small strip exactly every 12 hours.)

Note: I can’t speak to a short-term (1-2 week suboxone +taper of 1-2 strips MAX) as I’ve never tried it (Can anyone weigh in?)

You’ve had enough, time to stop

My qualifications: I was on opiates for 1.5 years, peaking for 3 months with 3ml FST / ~200mg oxy per day. I tried the taper to ease withdrawal, but I didn’t try hard enough. I went on 4mg of suboxone per day and I was on for a total of 3 months. Brain fog, inability to remember words and places, and even forgetting where I was my big push to get clean.

Listen, I was not a hardcore opiate user. My habit didn’t make a fucking dent in my finances. My family didn’t even notice a change in my demeanor or attitude. I wasn’t on suboxone for that long, either (3 months). If you are a hardcore user, take my advice with a grain of salt.

On to the meat:

• I started the taper 3 months in to a 4mg/day
• I tapered to 2mg/day for 3 weeks
• I tapered to 1mg/day for 5 days

I’d speculate a longer taper would help. I don’t know because I didn’t do a longer taper. Knowing what I know now, I probably would have tapered longer. When you actually see how small 1mg of suboxone is, when you can hold that in your hand, you think “hahah this is a joke, there’s almost NO effect on my body from this. It’s a sunflower seed!” Yeah, you’re wrong. According to SA user Yermaw Zahoor, even a taper to .25mg/day didn’t help him. He went through exactly what I show below.

What helped me more than anything in withdrawal wasn’t the question “why am I feeling like this?” It was “will tomorrow be worse.” This smattrering of words is more about answering the latter question. When you know what you’re in for in the future, the present becomes easier to deal with.

Day 1:T+0 – 24 hours since last dose: Prep Day

Day 1 is all about preparation. Good on your for making the choice, now it’s time to button up the smokehouse and prepare for a long, cold winter.

Keys to today

• Get your affairs in order. Take 2 weeks off work. Tell your loved ones what you’re doing. Give them a copy of this post so they know what to expect. Pay your bills, set the phone to airplane mode. You have ceased to be a functioning member of society; you are now a bag of meat and bones solely focused on getting better.
• Go shopping: You’ll want 2 bottles of liquid loperamide (Immodium AD), 500mg pills of L-Tyroseine, Magnesium+Calcuim, a case of electrolytes (any of the “-ades”), and a good multivitamin. Ask a doctor for some Ambien (sleep medication).
• Get some sleep: Nap as often as you can. Sleep in. Soon you will forget the beauty of a good night’s rest.

Day 2:T+25 – 48 hours since last dose: False Start

Hey remember when you were on oxy/H/hydro/etc and you’d wake up in agony right about now? This is fucking CAKE! Slight discomfort, sure, but nowhere NEAR the hell that you’d normally be going through right about now. Don’t get your hopes up, buttercakes.

Keys to today

• Find some “friends.” For some people, it’s going to AA/NA. For me, it was a stupid bulletin board (which I’m posting this on now) of people that went through it. Surround yourself with positive people that have already beat this.
• Pitch your opiates. Give a friend your wallet. Take away your mechanism to score a quick fix. Flush the remaining suboxone you have.
• Get some more sleep: Again, nap as often as you can.

Day 3:T+49 – 72 hours since last dose: Halfway to Hell

At some point today, approximately ½ of the suboxone that was in your system when you took your last dose has been processed by your body and squeezed out of your dick (or whatever mysterious hole you have amidst the roast beef).

Sleep may start being a little more difficult, but don’t go nuts with the Ambien just yet.

Keys to today

• Eat: Go wild while you still can. Avoid junk. East stuff that would make your momma proud.
• Drink: Lots of water today
• Be Merry: Start with the supplements. I took 1 gram of L-Tyrosine every 8 hours, 1 multivitamin in the morning, and magnesium every 12 hours.

Day 4:T+97 – 120 hours since last dose: It begins

Okay, this is what we prepared for. You don’t need me cracking jokes about how you feel right now. I genuinely feel your pain.

You’re going to have any number of these symptoms (and others): Vomiting, Diarrhea, Chills, Restless Legs, chronic sneezing, headaches, profuse sweating, jerkiness, insomnia

Your muscles will feel like they’re tearing from your bones. You can do this. Hang in there.

Yes, it does get worse.

Keys to today

• Friends: AA/NA/Messageboards (the Crackhead Clubhouse at forums.somethingawful.com is a great group), just talk through it
• Loperamide: Yes, it’s an opiate. No, it does not cross the blood-brain-barrier. Yes, it does help with the nausea and diarrhea. Ranges vary wildly on this. Personally, I found magic at 10mg’s every 6 hours. Start small and small steps.
• Hydration: The most critical thing today is to replace all the fluid you’re losing. Keep drinking.
• Showers/Baths: It gives a good amount of relief temporarily.

Day 5:T+121 – 144 hours since last dose: Circle #9

This is what you prepared for. I know you didn’t sleep last night. I know how bad it was. Today, you’ll peak. Make it through today and you’ve got this licked.

I’m going to plagiarize SA user The-Mole here. This helped me tremendously during Day 5:

quote:

More than just breathing or meditating… probably the best thing you can do in the moment for [physical or mental] anxiety/fear is to just relax. Blah blah, easier said than done, blah blah, but that’s why you should practice it when you aren’t anxious/scared, so relaxing the grip of fear/anxiety becomes second nature. Practically speaking, make sure you aren’t hunched over (you can’t breathe deeply hunched over/slouching). Now relax your body (how mentally anxious you are is incredibly influenced by how tensed your body is). Start with your toes, when they’re relaxed, move onto relaxing your feet, then let your ankles relax, calfs, knees, thighs, groin, stomach, abs, lower back, chest, upper back, shoulders, arms, neck, fingers, hands, wrists, lower arms, elbows, upper arms, and then relax your face. While doing that, take slow, deep breaths in through your nose and out your mouth. Keep breathing and go over your body again, trying to find any places that are still tensed, relaxing them as you find them.

99% of people would find that relaxing, it’s just difficult to remember to do in stressful moments if you don’t do it sometimes when you aren’t stressed/anxious/scared. So do something like that (even if it’s just a slow deep breath or two) whenever it crosses your mind. If you want, you can literally get yourself into a habit of doing something like that any time you get scared/anxious/stressed… to the point where it becomes second nature to you. I.e. you’re relaxing yourself as soon as you feel yourself starting to get a bit dicey.

Keys to today

• Know that today is the worst. Tell yourself this over and over.
• Hydration: the only think that’s going to kill you here is a lack of fluid. Don’t be lax.
• The knowledge that others have done this. We’ve been there. You CAN do this. Hang in there.

Day 6:T+145 – 168 hours since last dose: The Waves

The worst is over. Now it’s just waves of horribleness with the occasional smattering of a few minutes of complete relief. You probably won’t sleep again tonight. You’re prepared, though. Keep the Tyrosine, Magnesium, and Imodium flowing.

Keys to today

• Hydration: Yes I keep harping on this. It’s important, dammit.
• Ambien: Use it sparingly before you think you’re able to sleep. I was able to catch the sporadic 30-45 minutes here and there

Days 7-8:T+169 – 216 hours since last dose: Oh god, when can I sleep

You’re noticing more improvements.

You slept maybe 30 minutes last night, it’s really hard to tell. Everything’s kind of blending together. The cumulative 3-4 hours of sleep in the last 3 nights coupled with zero appetite is really starting to take a toll. You feel like a shadow of your former self in every way.

The “waves” are about 15 minute cycles now. You’ll feel good for 2 minutes, bad for 10, REALLY bad for 3. It’s manageable.

One of these days you’re going to go to bed thinking “this will be it” and the next thing you know the alarm will be going off and you’ll be all AWW YEAH because you just slept all by yourself.

Keys to today

• Hydration: Yes I keep harping on this. It’s important, dammit.
• Showers and rest.
• It’s all uphill from here.

Week 2:The Fuzz

It’s going to be really hard to get sleep this week. This week is what the ambien is for. You may get 15 minute naps, some people get several hours at a time. It varies wildly. The “cycles” are really starting to diminish now. Keep drinking, eat when you can. Relax. This will be all done soon.

Week 3:Normalty returns

At some point in this time, you’re going to be back to normal

Work in progress.

This is creative commons, if you want to steal it, just give me credit for it. Have a ball.

—–

I think we’ve all learned something today. And thanks again to nocarbon for the awesome write-up.

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• 

Believe me when I say I’ve tried every damn one of these suggestions. Now, with hundreds of dollars worth of DMT wasted, I know how to do it: vaporization.

First off, you do not want the DMT to reach a burning point. So that immediately rules out the “bed of weed” and (especially) the torch lighter scenarios. This will produce absolutely nothing of value, unless you happen to value the inhalation of burnt, useless chemicals. DMT smoke is reminiscent of burning car tires mixed with a bit of plastic and a perhaps a dash of nutmeg. It is not pleasant.

A slightly more valid, but still terrible variation on the “bed of weed” concept is slowly melting the DMT into the weed, then gently igniting the DMT-infused weed. You still end up burning most of the product, but I managed to accidentally produce useful vapors every time. Perhaps you could perfect the technique with practice, but you probably wouldn’t want to. It makes your pipe taste like DMT for weeks (or until you clean it), and there are much easier and more efficient ways to achieve the DMT high.

I heard some acquaintances go on and on about the expensive attachment they acquired for their bong, and after using it I just don’t see the point. For one, you are absolutely losing significant amounts of DMT through that water, since the ultimate goal is trying to make the stuff into a vapor. During my attempt, for the amount used the effects were extremely minimal and disappointing. But after using the spirit molecule I didn’t have the heart to tell my DMT providing friends their money was wasted.

Truth is, there’s no possible way to successfully smoke DMT – that was a doomed experiment. But the good news is that you can vaporize the stuff to great results. If you wanted, you could use your fancy marijuana vape to utilize dimitri. I would not particularly recommend it, unless you have a spare bowl, whip and/or bag to use it with. Anything the vapor touches will be tainted with the smell. When I use a vaporizer for weed, I am savoring the pure, unadulterated flavor that the vaporizer grants me. Therefore, avoid vaporizing DMT in your vape. But if you were wondering, you want to get the stuff to about 155˚ Fahrenheit (or 70˚ Celsius).

My tried and trusted method that never fails is the crack pipe. Or “eucalyptus inhaler,” as you might call it at the glass store. A very basic pipe will do just fine, and will likely cost less than $10 at your favorite head shop. If you’re trying to be resourceful, you can just make a lightbulb vape. I tried making “the machine” out of a bottle, but it was such a waste of efforts. As a note, unlike the bong attachments, DMT-specific pipes are not a scam. They are usually overpriced, but it’s admittedly neat to smoke out of a trippy pipe when doing “the spice.”

Vaporizing DMT is not the most heroic method, as that title rests with oral administration. The most common format any average user will orally administer DMT is within an ayahuasca brew. The recipe for ayahuasca includes taking an MAOI-containing vine and combining it with a DMT-source, traditionally an Amazonian tree. DMT is inactive orally on its own, but the cunning Columbian natives somehow figured out mixing this specific tree with those specific vines can turn into a spiritual activity.

If you want, you can even perform a variation on the brew with similar materials, the specific vines and plants are not entirely important. Keep in mind that different plants will contain varying levels of psychoactives, and different alkaloids/harmaloids. Basically, changing the plants will mean changing the recipe. You’ll want to note how much % of your material is DMT or MAOI, and adjust as needed.

Ayahuasca brews can produce one of the most intense and overwhelming psychedelic and spiritual experiences known to man. It is an extremely long and strenuous process, both physically and mentally. Experiences can take well over 8 hours, and involve fierce bouts of vomiting (described as purging), and intense spiritual revelations. If you are intrigued by that description, be warned that MAOIs can be harmful if you are not careful. Please be sure to educate yourself on the dietary restrictions and various substances you’ll want to avoid. Otherwise you might die or something.

LOTUS

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• 

Locale
Source
Symptoms
Your history
Strange taste
Weird properties
What you should do!

Do you live in America? If so, chances are high that you did not get laced cannabis. Very few American dealers modify their product at all. Not much more to be said. If not, I probably can’t help you a whole lot. England does supposedly have a major problem with “soapbar” hash and other types of tainted marijuana products, but being that I live smack dab in the middle of America, I can’t speak to that with any authority.

Where did you get your weed from? If it was your normal, trusted, everyday dealer, you’re probably fine. Even if it was a new guy, it normally doesn’t make sense financially to lace weed. Most other smokable drugs are expensive, and if anything the dealer will strongly advertise the laced drug while offering a greater price.

That’s not to say it’s impossible, or that it never happens, but it is just very rare. One of the few ways for a dealer to profitably lace weed would be to sprinkle a synthetic cannabinoid on some cheap, subpar product. As long as you buy the synthetic stuff in bulk, you could conceivably lace your shwag enough to fool the unsuspecting user into thinking it was some high quality stuff.

However, this plan is not without its significant drawbacks. For one, many synthetic cannabinoids are now illegal, and are fairly hard to find. There are a lot of scams on the internet, so you may well end up giving more money to some conniving con artist than you profit off your unsuspecting clients. Not to mention, if a dealer sells tainted weed word will quickly get around, and their reputation will never recover.

Are these your symptoms? If they sound something like these, you probably just smoked too much weed:

• Became much higher than normal
• Visual and/or auditory hallucinations to varying intensity
• Photosensitivity
• Increased tactile sensitivity
• Dizziness/vertigo
• Nausea
• Extremely short memory or blacked out memory
• Intense anxiety or feeling of dread
• Increased heart rate/blood pressure (though not extraordinarily)
• Feelings of paranoia or persecution

Many users do not realize such severe reactions can be had to cannabis, but they are more common than you might think.

What’s your smoking history? How many times you’ve “been around the block,” so to speak, can heavily influence your experience. It’s known as tolerance, and losing it can turn a former hardened-smoker into a newbie all over again. If you’ve only smoked a handful of times, you might be caught off guard by the sheer power of the chronic. It can obliterate the mind and body, and can seem like totally different drugs from one day to the next.

Any smoker who has taken a recent break, bought a new strain, tried a different type of weed (shwag to dank or vice-versa), or even smoked out of a new device (bong, vaporizer, joint, waterfall, blunt, etc) can experience an unexpected boost to their high. Even so much as to feel “like PCP” or LSD or nearly anything else.

But why did it taste so weird? Weed can have funky flavors sometimes, even if it’s from high-quality genetics. If it has been harvested too early, or flushed improperly/insufficiently, it can have very unusual chemical-like flavors. Sometimes you’ll just get a bad flavor, even when everything was done right. Taste can be a good indicator of quality, but it can also be very misleading. I’ve had strains that looked and tasted incredible, but they didn’t get you high worth a damn.

But my weed looks weird! The same reasons it smokes and tastes funny can lead to foreign substances. If the weed has weird strings in it (or dirt, or little crystal things or whatever), it is very often a product of sloppy harvesting. People use all sorts of fertilizers and pesticides and everything else on their crop, which can cause your weed to snap, crackle and pop.

It may not be particularly healthy to smoke weed with contaminants of any type, and it would be ideal to wash it out or make isohash or something. In fact, with all marijuana the best practice is to wash it off before smoking. An easy way for that is to simply rinse it out (like you would a vegetable, but preferably over a pan to catch the little nuglets), and then stick it in the oven at about 150˚F or so to dry it out. Now, since I already know nobody is going to be washing out their weed, you might as well just smoke it, you’ll probably be fine.

There have been reports in the UK of weed laced with glass dust. I assume to give the false appearance of more trichomes, so that a dealer can charge more. Needless to say, this is extremely dangerous and harmful to the health. The problem with glass in your weed, however, is that you’ll likely not notice it right away. Unless your lungs suddenly start bleeding (extremely unlikely), you’ll simply feel fine for years. It works like asbestos, slowly creating an infinitely-expanding callous-like growth in your lungs through a process called silicosis. Naturally, more exposure gives you a greater risk, so if you suspect you’ve been sold tainted weed, find a completely new source for your stuff. Perhaps the internet.

What should you do if it happened? Probably nothing. Almost nothing it could have been laced with can kill you (unless you’re the unlucky recipient of some particularly nasty soapbar), and if so there’s almost nothing you can do about it anyway. Just wait it out, and you’ll probably feel fine after a few hours. If you’re genuinely concerned for your safety, try to take some scientific measures.

Have a third party (machine, friend or unsuspecting family member) check your pulse and (if possible) blood pressure, for example. If they’re around normal, don’t worry about anything. Many times it will feel like your heart is beating out of your chest, when in reality you have completely normal vitals. Otherwise, drink some water, eat some fruit, get some fresh air, and try to distract yourself. The number one cause of bad trips on psychedelics are over-thinking the trip. Weed is a mild psychedelic – treat it as such.

Obviously, if you genuinely think a current batch is tainted, just throw it out. If you are absolutely positive of the chemical (perhaps the drug dealer told you after the fact), look up the effects and dangers. If it’s possible to overdose on a fairly small dose, try to find out what the dosage was, and take appropriate action. But in nearly all cases, your intense high is just an innocuous weed high, and there’s no cause for concern.

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• 

Even completely clean individuals break a sweat inside the testing office… Hell, we’ve all seen the Seinfeld episode where Elaine fails a drug test due to eating poppy seeds. It isn’t the most likely false positive scenario, but it is entirely possible. There are countless reasons why you might fail a drug test when no drugs have ever been ingested.

Americans should know their rights and when to exercise them, including (most importantly) those who are doing nothing wrong. If you’re on the wrong end of the justice system, the best-intentioned, most honorable man can be a victim. In this same vein, we should be well-versed in the capabilities and limitations of drug tests.

Jump to:
The Drug Tests
Hair Tests
Urinalysis
Substitution
Dilution
Speed Metabolism
Waiting it Out
Lab Tested
Myths
What You’ll Take
False Positives
“Test Proof” Drugs
The Drug Tests (a brief overview)

• Hair Test – Can test back for years, depending on hair length – Generally tested back 90 days – Very accurate – Very difficult (if not impossible) to beat – Second most common test (though a distant second)
• Urine Test (urinalysis) – Can test back to varying degrees for different drugs, maximum of two months – Fairly simple to beat, depending on drug – Accuracy wildly ranges depending on type of urinalysis – Most common drug test by far
• Blood Test – Only detects drugs from the last few days or so at most – Impossible to beat – Extremely accurate – Rare, though they are seeing more use in suspected DWI cases
• Saliva Test – Only detects drugs used in that last 24 hours, in most cases – Impossible to beat – Not very reliable – Most logical solution for future marijuana “drugged driving” charges – Not used extensively in America today
• Sweat Test – Not really even worth mentioning except for novelty – Hardly ever used, unreliable, expensive, silly

You are now familiar with the tests. I am not a teacher who believes in standardized testing, so I’ll simply take it on good faith that you’ve understood this much so far. As you can see, only two of the tests are used with any consistency, and coincidentally they are the only two that can be cheated.

The hair test suggestions will be brief. The only guaranteed pass you’ll have is by removing all hair, including body and facial hair. Any hair they can find is fair game. About an inch and a half will get them enough material to determine what drugs you’ve used in the past 90 days. Since your hair acts as a timeline of your drug use, this metric will stay consistent throughout the length (ie-each extra .5 inches will always equal about a month).

Limited success has been had by users who attempt to bleach their hair, or wash it with certain chemicals. One of the problems associated with testing is that the subjects rarely, if ever, see their results. So, a company could in fact hire a potential employee in spite of a failed drug test. Therefore, it is unwise to accept the experiences of people passing employment or probation tests. Too many variables.

Soapbox aside, about all you can do is shave or pray. Fortunately for most, hair tests are not used in pre- or current-employment testing in the vast majority of situations. However, I have personally come across them, so I know they do exist. Occasionally they’ll be used by extremely strict probation officers or courtrooms, but that is an occurrence even rarer than in the private sector.

Urinalysis is a much more exciting topic; the tests are more common, and they can be fooled. The sheer number of different urine tests – all varying significantly in price and consistency – makes for a complex situation. It’s such a tangled mess of confusion, most stressed-out test takers have no concept of where to begin. Let’s begin at the types of urine tests in practice today:

• Gas Chromatography/Mass Spectrometry (GC/MS)
• Enzyme Multiplied Immunoassay Technique (EMIT)
• Radio ImmunoAssay (RIA)
• Test Cup

“Whoa, what the hell are those names and how am I supposed to know what’s going on? Also, test cup!”

Let’s be honest, nobody really cares what the names of the tests are, we all just want to pass them, right? The majority of the time, you’ll have little idea exactly what type of test you’ll be getting. Websites can be found that contain lists of employers who drug test and the types of tests they administer. But I’ve found they’re often outdated and, frankly, wrong.

The test cup (or test strip) is the most common option in the urinalysis family. This test has soared in popularity in recent years due to its relative consistency, ability to be sent in for lab-confirmation, and low price point. The concept is extremely simple, and thus is pretty damn easy to pass. If you were to heat tap water to 98˚, you could possibly fool this one. Some of them do check for concentrations of creatine or uric acid, but they are fairly rare. Most of time they only check for temperature and drugs.

If sent to a lab, your urine will be tested for everything under the sun, including verification that it is urine. Companies do not check gender of submitted samples. It is prohibitively expensive, and would serve little to no purpose. As long as it is human urine, it will do just fine.

Most Common Tests:

• 5 panel test – THC – Opiates – Methamphetamine – Amphetamine – Cocaine
• 9 panel test – THC – Opiates – Methamphetamine – Amphetamine – Cocaine – Barbiturates – Benzodiazepines – Morphine – PCP
• 11 panel test – THC – Opiates – Methamphetamine – Amphetamine – Cocaine – Barbiturates – Benzodiazepines – Methadone – PCP – Oxycodone – MDMA

You can find tests of any random number of panels, but these are the most common types of preliminary urine tests you will receive. The 5 panel is the cheapest and normally used by over-bearing parents and the like. Most corporate tests or probation offices will use the 9 panel, though the 11 panel does appear occasionally. In most cases if you pass one of those, they won’t bother you any longer.

Only substitution can provide the absolute guarantee. That is, take someone else’s pee and put it in the jar. It may seem like a daunting suggestion at first, but as long as you don’t try a sitcom-esque scheme it is definitely doable. In fact, the most difficult part of the exercise is finding a clean donor.
Facts/methods of substitution

• Condoms or 5 Hour Energy bottles are your friend – The first step at acquiring your clean urine is to stow it away somehow. A condom carries the concern of breakage, but has the added benefit of being puncturable to provide a convincing stream for nosy probation officers. If concealment is not a concern, the 5 Hour Energy (or other small, thin container) will be ideal.
• Temp must be in the range of 96-99˚F – The best way to ensure this is a portable hand warmer. Put your urine container in the warmer, and measure the temperature with a thermometer before pouring it into the cup. Another option is to simply keep the container in a warm area on the body. Armpits or other hot areas like genitalia will serve the purpose.
• Urine can stay “good” for months – If left to its own devices, your urine will expire in a room within a few hours. Refrigerated, the lifespan jumps to a maximum of 30 days. If frozen, it can last up to a year! Simply unfreeze when you need it, warm it up, and you’re ready to confidently walk into any testing center.
• Synthetic urine does work – Do your research on this, some of them are scams. But some are legitimate, and if you struggle to find a willing, clean donor, they can be a life-saver. Make sure to verify you are getting the most up-to-date option, as tests are constantly fighting an uphill battle against synthetic companies.

If substitution is not an option, you’re not completely out of luck. The recommended backup will not (contrary to popular belief) involve buying a “get clean” kit from your local head shop. These are all scams, and most of the time they do nothing but add some basic stuff like B12 or creatine, both of which could be bought without paying absurd markup.

The second option, in fact, is as simple as drinking water. If you drink a good amount of water the night before, the drug metabolites in the urine will be saturated in much more water than they normally would. And since drug tests measure concentrations of these, it can effectively be used as a cheating technique. With anything, you don’t want to go overboard. To begin with, too much water can kill you. Beyond that, many tests have screenings for certain acids in the urine that will also be diluted by water.

Therefore, if you are too successful in your dilution, they may throw out your test, and make you retake it. This could be good or bad, but if nothing else it gives you a few more days to get clean. An option to counter over-dilution possibilities is to take the aforementioned creatine or B12 supplements. Many individuals drink enough water so that their urine is nearly clear, as that is the natural color of healthy urine. So stick by your story that you drink lots of water, and there shouldn’t be much of a problem.

It is also recommended that you do not use the first pee of the day, and that you take a sample from mid-stream. The reason being; when you sleep lots of junk is released by your body for expulsion the next morning. This means there’s a higher concentration of the stuff that can get you in trouble after you just wake up. By taking the test on your second or third urination of the day, you’re helping clear out the crap that has accumulated.

A proven yet more time and effort intensive option does exist. If you want to really ensure you’re going to pass this test, and cannot or will not substitute urine, you can help along your body with exercise. Perform a higher-than-normal cardiovascular workout for a week or two prior to the test. This will get your metabolism pumping, so the THC will spend less time relaxing in your fat reserves.

About 3 days before the test you’ll want to stop, and “fatten” yourself up. Pack on serious carbohydrate-heavy dinners, and it will help saturate the “dirty layer.” This is an effective technique for people who will be facing very difficult tests (including military-issued), and need that extra bump to ensure that they will pass. Combined with dilution, a two week break, and this method, even the most stringent tests will be passed. And, more importantly, passed legitimately.

Now, bear in mind, all of the immediately preceding information is THC-specific. Other drug-related metabolites are not processed in this fashion, so the metabolism-boost won’t help as much. Dilution is going to work for anything, however, as it’s just simply adding more of one thing than another.

Wholly legitimate strategies for passing will only entail a process of waiting. Which I think seems rather boring, but then I do have a tendency to take risks… Anyway, there are many handy charts for this on the web, but since you’re here, I’ll give you the basic time-table:

• Weed: urinalysis – 5 weeks, blood – 2 weeks, saliva – 24 hours
• Opiates: urinalysis – 1 week, blood – 24 hours, saliva – 24 hours
• (Meth)Amphetamine: urinalysis – 1 week, blood – 4 days, saliva – 3 days
• Benzodiazepine: urinalysis – 45 days, blood/saliva – unclear (likely 30 days)
• Alcohol: urinalysis – 5 days specialized test (normal test 12 hours), blood/saliva – 24 hours

A more comprehensive list can be found at Erowid, however it is slightly out of date. All of the times listed here are worst-case scenarios, and applicable to chronic users of heavy doses. Abstaining from a drug for the times listed above will ensure 100% beyond any doubt that you will pass your test for that substance. For a single time – or inconsistent – user the detection times will be halved or greater in many cases.

If your sample is sent to a lab it will be inspected with very precise tools. However, these tools are expensive and exhaustible, meaning they are not interested in wasting those valuable resources on everyone’s urine, checking for obscure chemicals they’ve likely never heard of.

Usually, it will only be sent to a lab if you fail the preliminary test. If it’s for pre-employment, they may simply dismiss you altogether, false positive or not. It’s unfair and ridiculous, but that’s corporate America in a nutshell. But if it’s a probation (or any court-related) screening they’ll be – more or less – legally obligated to send it in for verification. At that point, there’s nothing you can do but sit back and wait for your results.

I hate drug test myths, I really do. I used to not really care, and take amusement in the naiveté, but now I’ve seen real harm done because of them. So here are some quick dismissals of urban legends:

• Bleach does not “clear your system,” or clean it, or do anything. Quantities as little as 4 drops can purify an entire gallon of water. That means every harmful bacteria in that water is ensured to be completely mitigated with 4 drops of bleach. Imagine what a teaspoonful could do to the beneficial bacteria in your digestive tract. I heard a person swear by bleach drinking. She was on probation for an entire year, and “passed every time but once” by drinking bleach. I didn’t ask for her method, but I would assume it included lots and lots of water, seeing as her digestive system seems to still be in working order…
• There are no legal repercussions from failing a pre-employment test. If you fail, the only bad news is you’ll not be offered a position. But there will not be any officers knocking on your door (because of the drug test, anyway).
• Tests do not test for gender, age, race, height, menopause, penis size… I believe the same episode of Seinfeld I mentioned earlier perpetuated this myth. Rest assured, males and females can substitute urine for each other to their heart’s content. There is no chance of discovery beyond actually transferring the liquid and keeping it at the correct temperature.
• No those ridiculous “get clean” tests don’t work. I already addressed this briefly, but it bears repeating. Stop paying hard-earned money for this shit; you might as well spend it on weed. Most of the directions have you drinking so much water, you might start to wonder if they’re trying to help you pass or drown you. Truth is, they’re simply taking advantage of stressed-out people, and forcing them to perform dilution before taking credit for the positive result.
• “My cousin passed by hopping on one foot while drinking lime juice from a shot glass and then performing three backflips.” Anecdotal evidence aside, drug tests are notoriously inaccurate. Dirty people pass, clean people fail, and everything in between. It’s not a fair game, and the only winners are those who get lucky. You can do what you can to increase your odds, though, and that’s what this page is all about.

Now that all that is out of my system, let’s move past “how to beat the test.” Most people are unaware what a drug test actually entails, let alone what test they might receive. And with fancy names and acronyms like like GC/MS, Radio ImmunoAssay, and EMIT, good luck taking a guess.

Here’s what test you’ll be taking if:

• Pre-Employment/Promotion- It wholly depends on your employer. I know it seems like a cop out, but it’s true. In most cases, lower paying jobs (like retail employers) will use the most easily fooled type: the test cup/strip. On occasion they are known to use EMIT, but it’s rare, and GC/MS is almost unheard of. You will most likely go into a private stall or bathroom unsupervised to do your business. I have been to one employer who wanted to hair test me, and I’ve heard of some others. It’s a rare practice, but it does occur. In most cases they will not retest if you fail, they simply won’t offer you the job.
• Drug/Alcohol Related Probation- As with anything in the court system it depends on a number of factors. Most probation programs will also use the test cup. If you fail and maintain cleanliness, the same sample will likely be sent to a testing facility for further examination. If you fail that, you have violated your probation terms and your fate lies in the hand of your probation officer or judge. You’ll want to be clean or diluted, as you will normally be watched by a probation officer.
• Serious Probation/Job Incident- I don’t know exactly what test federal probation uses, but I would guess the EMIT. For employer-given tests due to a worker’s comp application or a work-related accident, they will almost always use an EMIT or even GC/MS. In fact, I believe the insurance company requires this, not necessarily the business itself. You will go to a testing facility, and likely enter unsupervised in a private room. Real-substitution or a break from usage plus dilution is recommended, as synthetic can be detected.
• Military The military almost exclusively uses Radio ImmunoAssay (RIA), and you NEED to be clean. You will be closely watched (inspected), and this test is extremely accurate and notoriously difficult to trick. Other high-security-clearance employment positions will also use either this or the GC/MS test.

Many chemicals are known to produce false positives, much to the chagrin of the unsuspecting test subject. Many medications (including over-the-counter) will trip a drug test, as well as some various foods. Some tests have been altered to reduce the number of false positives, but they still exist, and it’s still wise to take measures against them. False positives can even be caused by your own body. For the most part you’ll generally be ok with modern tests, but there are still some substances you’d be smart to avoid in the few days before a test.

• Any cough syrup – DXM or dextromethorphan is an opioid agonist, and it can confuse a test into thinking you have opiate metabolites in your urine.
• Allergy medicine – Anything with pseudoephedrine or any -ephedrine can trip a test for amphetamine or MDMA usage. Best to steer clear of all of them; a runny nose is better than the alternative
• OTC or prescription Stimulants – It should probably go without saying that things like Adderall (amphetamine salts) would trip a test for amphetamine, but now it’s said. No excuses.
• “Legal weed” blends (or synthetic cannabinoids) – Ever since the K2 and Spice craze of 2010, more tests have been including these drugs in their line-up. They will show up under THC.

There are a number of test-proof drugs, including substitutes for almost any known illicit chemical available. The following few should go undetected by any of the lower-end tests like the cup/strip. I have personally had luck with:

• Tramadol – This is an opioid class of drug. It does not release the same metabolites as any other popular opiate/opioid, so it is not tested for. It can be tested for if desired, as can anything.
• Synthetic cannabinoids – But wait, I just said they can trip the tests! Well, there are so many of these, it is nigh on impossible for the drug test developers to cover all the bases. Steer clear of the common chemicals (like the JWH- series), and you might have luck inconspicuously fulfilling your weed need.
• Ketamine – Dissociative. Can be likened to PCP or DXM, but it’s not really close to either of those. Regardless, it does not show up on drug tests.
• Psychedelics – Pick your poison. Not a psychedelic I know of will show up on a drug test. Hell, most of them are out of your system in less than 12 hours.
• Cyclobenzaprine/Carisoprodol – Also known as Soma, relaxes the body and mind. And you can be truly relaxed knowing it won’t be counted against you.

To clarify, all of these drugs CAN technically be tested for, they just simply aren’t. If you are suspected of using one in particular on probation, they can and will send a sample to the lab requesting a test for a specific substance. Be extremely careful with this.

I hope this information is helpful, I have been through the drug screening wringer many, many times. A page like this is what I always tried to find, but never could. I will continue to update this as needed, but if you have any questions or comments don’t hesitate to leave one below, or even e-mail me at lotus@stonerculture.com

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This is how you get your weed smoking done when in a war zone. Like it? Got a video of some modern day soldiers toking up on fine Afghan hashish? Leave a comment!

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Nobody can fully prepare you for what you’re going to experience on a psychedelic, so you must keep that in mind at all times. Remember that there are risks of permanent mental issues, but they’re fairly low. If your family has a history of schizophrenia, or you believe you have latent mental issues, I would highly discourage the use of any psychoactive drugs (this includes marijuana, psychedelics, etc).

Once you’ve decided that you want to take the step into a psychedelic world, you should always know that you will come back out of it. It can be an overwhelming experience sometimes, but it won’t last more than a few hours, so try not to freak out and think it’ll never end. I’ve personally gone through every type of trip, from the confusing, to the magical, to the hilarious, to the downright terrifying (some of which I’ve documented right here on Stoner Culture). I’ve come out of every single one of them, and usually better than I went in.

Alright, so you’ve accomplished the most difficult part of any psychedelic adventure, and decided you’re going to do it and procured the necessary chemicals. What comes next is totally up to you. I prefer to have a meticulously planned trip, with activities, alternate activities, and things set up for me to avoid any type of involved thinking during the actual trip. I love playing guitar, so having an amp set up and ready to go is a must. Anything else, including recording equipment, art supplies, video games, etc, I prefer to have ready to go before I dose. Some people just like to go where the trip takes them, with no planning. Again, it’s totally up to you.

As far as dosing, it’s difficult to know how much to dose. With LSD, I’ve had single hits that were plenty to handle, and two hits that were fairly underwhelming. I usually start out with one, wait about an hour, and use my judgement as to whether I should re-dose or not. Some people prefer to take it all at once, again it’s totally personal preference.

With LSD, I usually like to take it by sticking it under my tongue for about 5 minutes, then swallowing the material. I don’t think it particularly matters, however, as I’ve swallowed them immediately and tripped just fine. With shrooms, I usually just eat them slowly, breaking them up into pill sizes, then washing them down with water. They taste kind of nutty to me, and even though I’m extremely picky when it comes to foods, I can stomach them no problem. Some people can’t stand the taste, and prefer to grind them into smoothies or some other type of drink to make them easier to go down. Mescaline is difficult, as it comes in such a wide variety of methods. If it’s a pill, just take it. If you’re extracting it, I’d recommend extracting it as much as possible, as the goo tastes absolutely terrible. As far as DXM goes (and some people would even count this in the psychedelic category), I usually prefer the drinkable kind. The pills work fine, too, but when you take a lot of them they all burst and disrupt your stomach more so than the liquid form.

With most psychs it will usually take no less than fifteen minutes, and no more than an hour to kick in. Other extenuating circumstances can drastically affect this time, however. I recently took some acid, then went mountain biking, and it took two hours to fully kick in. My hypothesis is the adrenaline slowed it down, but who knows? Just be patient, and give them a few hours before you fully blow them off as bunk.

During the actual trip, there are many activities that are appropriate, but you should keep in mind that your mind is in a fragile state, and treat it as such. I would avoid any movies or even video games that are overly violent, and probably not watch anything involving serious topics, like news stories (that doesn’t sound any fun, anyway). Any really colorful visually appealing shows should be great fun.

Music is usually indescribable. Get a nice set of headphones, or a nice set of speakers, and blast whatever music you usually enjoy. You’ll find that music is far more spiritual than usual, and it may be difficult to find something you can stick with. I usually like psychedelic rock (go figure), and some choice favorites are Jimi Hendrix, Tool, Pink Floyd, Mars Volta, Led Zeppelin, Radiohead, and the Smashing Pumpkins.

I would fully recommend having a “trip sitter,” someone who you trust, that will be able to keep an eye on your during the trip. Ideally this person will be an experienced tripper, with a fairly laid back attitude, who is excited to help you on your journey. It’s an amazing benefit to have someone to drive you around (something that is highly discouraged to do by yourself while you’re tripping), and generally help keep you grounded in reality. Especially on your first trip, I would suggest having a friend around to help you out. I have tripped alone, and it’s usually just not as fun as tripping with people.

While taking other drugs to supplement the experience, like cannabis, nitrous, MDMA, or DMT can be fun, I would suggest waiting until you are fairly experienced and comfortable with the psychedelics before attempting this.

The final suggestion you should take into consideration is tripping in a comfortable environment. Keep in mind that while tripping in an outdoor setting can be really fun, you’re also usually miles away from a safe place. You don’t want to have a freak out and then require a 45 minute transport to a safe area (as I once did, and wrote about on this site). As far as tripping in public areas (like concerts or movies) I would recommend against it at first, but only you will know whether or not you’re ready. Once you’re tripping you’ll be able to tell whether or not you’re a social butterfly, or you’re like me and you’d rather just sit in a fairly isolated area and jam to your favorite tunes.

Psychedelics are probably my favorite drugs, even if I don’t use them more than a fraction as much as other drugs. They’re absolutely the most intriguing activities I’ve ever been a part of, and they never cease to amaze me. Use them with discretion, don’t overdo it, and you’ll be just fine. If you have a good mindset, and a good place to trip, you should have an incredible experience that you wont soon forget.

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Ingredients:

• Any kind of alcohol, 40% or higher
• Tasty weed

I used half a 26oz of Bacardi white rum and 1/4oz of sticky icky delicious tasting weed. All you do is bust up the weed a bit and shove it into the bottle and shake it up. I left it in the cupboard for about a month, shaking every week or so.

Looking back, I probably should have shook it more, like every 3 days or so, but I’m a stoner and I forget things. I finished midterms last week and my friends were having a house party on Saturday so I decided to get quite drunk on this:

I strained out the plant material first, obviously. It tasted kind of piney, my friends and I agreed it tasted like Christmas, which worked out quite nicely given that it’s all pretty and wintery outside.
The high itself was not at all what I expected. I was drinking regular whiskey in between shots of the Bacardi, and while I was pretty fucking gone by the end of the night, I wasn’t blacked out or passing out like eating weed normally does to me. In fact, rather than getting ridiculously drowsy like normal, I was energized, coherent (I’m pretty sure) and had a fucking awesome time. Many awesomely drunk pictures were taken. I left around 1:30am and had a nice sleep, until the alarm went off at 8am. My brain was not so much angry at me than it was fuzzy and generally absent. Hangover bowls did nothing to help this situation either. Luckily it was Sunday and I love cleaning when I’m stoned so I just got really baked all day and clumsily tidied up my apartment.
Overall, this was probably the best time I’ve put weed in my tummy to date. I love eating weed but I always get very drowsy and end up taking 13 hour weednaps. The weedohol was great, I was really energetic and didn’t have a hard time socializing like when I get super high on edibles. 9/10 stars.
—Sassy Not Classy

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This tasty recipe is the second written for our site by Sassy Not Classy. For those who missed it, here’s the first recipe. Enjoy!

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For my next endeavour, I made a hot lemon sauce to go over a cake, which is very similar to lemon pie filling. The strong lemon flavour really covered up the weedy tasting butter. Lime juice and zest could be substituted to make a lime sauce.

 Step one: Make yourself a cake. I chose angel food since it’s my favourite, but a plain white cake would work too. This is not where the weed comes in.

After the cake has cooled, it’s time to make the sauce. In a small saucepan, combine

• 2/3c sugar
• ¼ fresh lemon juice
• Grated zest of one lemon
• 2 tbsps water

Separate 3 eggs and whisk in the yolks.

Over low heat, stir 1/2c of weed butter into the mixture and bring it to a low simmer. Stirring constantly, cook until the mixture starts to thicken. This takes about a minute.

Immediately pour over a piece of your cake and enjoy! Split the sauce between 3-4 people for a good strong buzz.

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Please comment below if you enjoyed this recipe!

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Do you want to create crazy fractals like this, or this? The answer, of course, is yes. You, as a marijuana smoker, are guaranteed to love this program. Combine with music for a better time.

Download Links:

Max OS X
Windows
Linux (source)

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            Keeping your smoking instruments sanitary and clean is an important action in order to prevent buildup of bacteria, inhalation of ash and chemicals, and poor smoke taste.  If you own a glass piece, keeping it sanitary is easy to do and doesn’t take very long.  The benefit is a safer, better tasting smoke. You will also be instructed in the creation of crystallized pipe resin.

            First, clean out the ash from your pipe, bubbler, or bong immediately after finishing the bowl.  This will allow you to clean the piece and is important even if it will not be cleaned in order to prevent the ash from falling inside.  Nothing is worse than inhaling a hit of ash.
            For most glass pipes, the beauty of the pipe increases with the amount of smoke resin that accumulates on the inside of the pipe.  Thus, many owners of pipes choose not to clean out their pipes, thinking that cleaning it involves removal of that resin.  On the contrary, a good cleaning with running water and occasionally some soap leaves the mostly oil-soluble resin in place while removing bits of ash and whatever was on the lips of the last toker.
            In bongs and bubblers, replacing the water and rinsing out the pipe is essential.  I do this after every use.  Old bongwater not only looks nasty, smells bad, and makes for crappy smoke, it also can build up chemicals from the smoke which could be hazardous to your lungs.  Do yourself and your smoking clan a favor and wash out that bong or bubbler of yours.
            Every once in a while, you may decide to clean your pipe out thoroughly, for a variety of reasons.  One advantage of owning a glass piece it that the resin inside can easily be removed with acetone, also known as nail polish remover.  If that fails, most head shops offer some type of cleaner such as Formula 420.  What many people don’t know is that you can save this resin (assuming you have a solvent which evaporates cleanly). [Editor's note: An alternative here is high-proof isopropyl alcohol and salt. The purpose of the salt is to provide increased agitation and friction as the tar is dissolved and removed by the alcohol.]
            If you wish to remove the resin to smoke it, save the acetone you used to remove the resin in some type of glass dish, such as a pie pan.  Make sure that the acetone evaporates cleanly by letting some unused acetone evaporate off a clean piece of glass.  If any amount of residue is left after evaporating clean acetone, you will need a cleaner solvent.  If the solvent is good, allow the acetone and resin mixture to evaporate in a well-ventilated location.  If you have access to a kitchen, this process can be sped up by pouring the acetone in a pot and applying a moderate amount of heat (NOTE: Do not do this if you cannot ventilate your kitchen sufficiently.  Also, ONLY DO THIS WITH AN ELECTRIC STOVE.  A gas stove + evaporating organic solvent = BIG  EXPLOSION).
            After all the acetone is evaporated off (make sure there is no solvent smell left at all), you should be left with resin crystals, differing in size depending on the heat of evaporation.  Gather them up with a razor blade and store them in paper or foil.  They don’t taste wonderful, but if the resin is accumulated from months of dank smoking, the combination of cannabanoids produces a truly all-around wonderful high.  Make sure you regulate your dosage, because resin can be as potent as hash by weight.
            If you don’t own a glass piece, wise up and go buy one already. A small piece can be obtained for less than $20 and will give you a purer, cleaner smoke.

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