Stoner’s Guide to Cheating/Beating Drug Tests

We check for new questions and comments every day!
Short on time? Visit the Drug Test FAQ!

I don’t know if there’s a single cannabis enthusiast in America who has not faced a stressful drug test situation–I’ve certainly faced plenty. Whether they’re related to probation or employment, millions of Americans face worrisome drug screenings every year.

Even completely clean individuals break a sweat inside the testing office…hell, we’ve all seen the Seinfeld episode where Elaine fails a drug test due to eating poppy seeds. It isn’t the most likely false positive scenario, but it is entirely possible. There are countless reasons why you might fail a drug test when no actual drugs have ever been ingested. If you’ve actually taken drugs, the stress caused by testing can be nearly insurmountable. We’re here to give you the information you need to confidently approach a drug test with the intent to pass, even if you’ve recently used drugs.

Now, Americans should know their rights and when to exercise them–especially those who are doing nothing wrong. Under our justice system, even the best-intentioned, most honorable man or woman can be a victim.


Jump to:
The Drug Tests
Saliva Test
Hair Tests
Urinalysis
Substitution
Dilution
Speedy Metabolism
Waiting it Out
Lab Tests
Myths
What You’ll Probably Take
False Positives
“Test Proof” Drugs
The Drug Tests (a brief overview)

  • Hair Test Can test back for years, depending on hair length – Generally tested back 90 days – Very accurate – Very difficult (if not impossible) to beat – Second most common test (though a distant second)
  • Urine Test (urinalysis) – Can test back to varying degrees for different drugs, maximum of two months – Fairly simple to beat, depending on drug – Accuracy wildly ranges depending on type of urinalysis – Most common drug test by far
  • Blood Test – Only detects drugs from the last few days or so at most – Impossible to beat – Extremely accurate – Rare, though they are seeing more use in suspected DWI cases
  • Saliva Test – Only detects drugs used in that last 24 hours, in most cases – May be easy to beat – Not very reliable – Most logical solution for future marijuana “drugged driving” charges – Not used extensively in America today
  • Sweat Test – Not really even worth mentioning except for novelty – Hardly ever used, unreliable, expensive, silly

You are now familiar with the tests. I am not a teacher who believes in standardized testing, so I’ll simply take it on good faith that you’ve understood this much so far. As you can see, only two of the tests are used with any consistency, and coincidentally they are the only two that can be cheated.

With saliva tests, there’s really not a whole lot to say. The longest anything can be detected in your saliva is around 3 days (for amphetamines and benzos). The rest of the drugs are undetectable after about 24 hours. If you find yourself getting tested in these time windows there’s little you can do. Your best bet is to simply brush your teeth. Yep, sanitizing your mouth will help to eliminate any of the incriminating chemicals that might fail you.

Keep a bit of mouthwash with you to use a few minutes before your test. If alcohol is tested for, obviously you’ll want to find a good mouthwash without alcohol. It is important to have cleaned or rinsed your mouth within an hour of the test to give you the best possible chance of passing. You would do well to avoid actually touching your cheeks if at all possible during the swab. Try to put it in between your teeth or somewhere where it gets wet but doesn’t touch the inside of your cheeks. I have had numerous positive reports of people using this method to success, but I have not verified it myself or confirmed with independent testing.

The hair test suggestions will be brief. The only guaranteed pass you’ll have is by removing all hair, including body and facial hair. Any hair they can find is fair game. About an inch and a half will get them enough material to determine what drugs you’ve used in the past 90 days. Since your hair acts as a timeline of your drug use, this metric will stay consistent throughout the length (ie-each extra .5 inches will always equal about a month).

Limited success has been had by users who attempt to bleach their hair, or wash it with certain chemicals. One of the problems associated with testing is that the subjects rarely, if ever, see their results. So, a company could in fact hire a potential employee in spite of a failed drug test. Therefore, it is unwise to accept the experiences of people passing employment or probation tests. Too many variables.

Soapbox aside, about all you can do is shave or pray. Fortunately for most, hair tests are not used in pre- or current-employment testing in the vast majority of situations. However, I have personally come across them, so I know they do exist. Occasionally they’ll be used by extremely strict probation officers or courtrooms, but that is an occurrence even rarer than in the private sector.

3/29/13 Update! There have been reports that success has been had with “hair relaxers.” And in fact the science seems to back it up, finding that in certain circumstances as little as 5% of the original illicit chemicals remained after being treated with hair-relaxer.

Urinalysis is a much more exciting topic; the tests are more common, and they can be fooled. The sheer number of different urine tests – all varying significantly in price and consistency – makes for a complex situation. It’s such a tangled mess of confusion, most stressed-out test takers have no concept of where to begin. Let’s begin at the types of urine tests in practice today:

  • Gas Chromatography/Mass Spectrometry (GC/MS)
  • Enzyme Multiplied Immunoassay Technique (EMIT)
  • Radio ImmunoAssay (RIA)
  • Test Cup

“Whoa, what the hell are those names and how am I supposed to know what’s going on? Also, test cup!”

Let’s be honest, nobody really cares what the names of the tests are, we all just want to pass them, right? The majority of the time, you’ll have little idea exactly what type of test you’ll be getting. Websites can be found that contain lists of employers who drug test and the types of tests they administer. But I’ve found they’re often outdated and, frankly, wrong.

The test cup (or test strip) is the most common option in the urinalysis family. This test has soared in popularity in recent years due to its relative consistency, ability to be sent in for lab-confirmation, and low price point. The concept is extremely simple, and thus is pretty damn easy to pass. If you were to heat tap water to 98˚, you could possibly fool this one. Some of them do check for concentrations of creatine or uric acid, but they are fairly rare. Most of time they only check for temperature and drugs.

If sent to a lab, your urine will be tested for everything under the sun, including verification that it is urine. Companies do not check gender of submitted samples. It is prohibitively expensive, and would serve little to no purpose. As long as it is human urine, it will do just fine.

Most Common Tests:

  • 5 panel test – THC – Opiates – Methamphetamine – Amphetamine – Cocaine
  • 9 panel test – THC – Opiates – Methamphetamine – Amphetamine – Cocaine – Barbiturates – Benzodiazepines – Morphine – PCP
  • 11 panel test – THC – Opiates – Methamphetamine – Amphetamine – Cocaine – Barbiturates – Benzodiazepines – Methadone – PCP – Oxycodone – MDMA

You can find tests of any random number of panels, but these are the most common types of preliminary urine tests you will receive. The 5 panel is the cheapest and normally used by over-bearing parents and the like. Most corporate tests or probation offices will use the 9 panel, though the 11 panel does appear occasionally. In most cases if you pass one of those, they won’t bother you any longer.

Only substitution can provide the absolute guarantee. That is, take someone else’s pee and put it in the jar. It may seem like a daunting suggestion at first, but as long as you don’t try a sitcom-esque scheme it is definitely doable. In fact, the most difficult part of the exercise is finding a clean donor.
Facts/methods of substitution

  • Condoms or 5 Hour Energy bottles are your friend – The first step at acquiring your clean urine is to stow it away somehow. A condom carries the concern of breakage, but has the added benefit of being puncturable to provide a convincing stream for nosy probation officers. If concealment is not a concern, the 5 Hour Energy (or other small, thin container) will be ideal.
  • Temp must be in the range of 96-99˚F –The best way to ensure this is a portable hand warmer. Put your urine container in the warmer, and measure the temperature with a thermometer before pouring it into the cup. Another option is to simply keep the container in a warm area on the body. Armpits or other hot areas like genitalia will serve the purpose.
  • Urine can stay “good” for monthsIf left to its own devices, your urine will expire in a room within a few hours. Refrigerated, the lifespan jumps to a maximum of 30 days. If frozen, it can last up to a year! Simply unfreeze when you need it, warm it up, and you’re ready to confidently walk into any testing center.
  • Synthetic urine does work –Do your research on this, some of them are scams. But some are legitimate, and if you struggle to find a willing, clean donor, they can be a life-saver. Make sure to verify you are getting the most up-to-date option, as tests are constantly fighting an uphill battle against synthetic companies.
  • As of September 2014, I have had recent, confirmed reports from readers that current versions of QuickFix Plus and Dr. Green Agent X both pass drug tests with flying colors. If you know of a different one that worked for you, or have an update for us don’t hesitate to comment or email!
  • If you live in the following states Quick Fix Plus (Canadian version) is the ONLY effective synthetic urine: Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, West Virginia, California, Ohio, Colorado, and Canada. You will fail for lack of uric acid if you use the standard version of Quick Fix or if you use Dr. Green Agent X.

If substitution is not an option, you’re not completely out of luck. The recommended backup will not (contrary to popular belief) involve buying a “get clean” kit from your local head shop. These are all scams, and most of the time they do nothing but add some basic stuff like B12 or creatine, both of which could be bought without paying absurd markup.

The second option, in fact, is as simple as drinking water. If you drink a good amount of water the night before, the drug metabolites in the urine will be saturated in much more water than they normally would. And since drug tests measure concentrations of these, it can effectively be used as a cheating technique. With anything, you don’t want to go overboard. To begin with, too much water can kill you. Beyond that, many tests have screenings for certain acids in the urine that will also be diluted by water.

Therefore, if you are too successful in your dilution, they may throw out your test, and make you retake it. This could be good or bad, but if nothing else it gives you a few more days to get clean. An option to counter over-dilution possibilities is to take the aforementioned creatine or B12 supplements. Many individuals drink enough water so that their urine is nearly clear, as that is the natural color of healthy urine. So stick by your story that you drink lots of water, and there shouldn’t be much of a problem.

It is also recommended that you do not use the first pee of the day, and that you take a sample from mid-stream. The reason being; when you sleep lots of junk is released by your body for expulsion the next morning. This means there’s a higher concentration of the stuff that can get you in trouble after you just wake up. By taking the test on your second or third urination of the day, you’re helping clear out the crap that has accumulated.

A proven yet more time and effort intensive option does exist. If you want to really ensure you’re going to pass this test, and cannot or will not substitute urine, you can help along your body with exercise. Perform a higher-than-normal cardiovascular workout for a week or two prior to the test. This will get your metabolism pumping, so the THC will spend less time relaxing in your fat reserves.

About 3 days before the test you’ll want to stop, and “fatten” yourself up. Pack on serious carbohydrate-heavy dinners, and it will help saturate the “dirty layer.” This is an effective technique for people who will be facing very difficult tests (including military-issued), and need that extra bump to ensure that they will pass. Combined with dilution, a two week break, and this method, even the most stringent tests will be passed. And, more importantly, passed legitimately.

Now, bear in mind, all of the immediately preceding information is THC-specific. Other drug-related metabolites are not processed in this fashion, so the metabolism-boost won’t help as much. Dilution is going to work for anything, however, as it’s just simply adding more of one thing than another.

Wholly legitimate strategies for passing will only entail a process of waiting. Which I think seems rather boring, but then I do have a tendency to take risks… Anyway, there are many handy charts for this on the web, but since you’re here, I’ll give you the basic time-table:

  • Weed: urinalysis – 5 weeks, blood – 2 weeks, saliva – 24 hours
  • Opiates: urinalysis – 1 week, blood – 24 hours, saliva – 24 hours
  • (Meth)Amphetamine: urinalysis – 1 week, blood – 4 days, saliva – 3 days
  • Benzodiazepine: urinalysis – 45 days, blood/saliva – unclear (likely 30 days for blood, 3 days for saliva)
  • Alcohol: urinalysis – 5 days specialized test (normal test 12 hours), blood/saliva – 24 hours

A more comprehensive list can be found at Erowid, however it is slightly out of date. All of the times listed here are worst-case scenarios, and applicable to chronic users of heavy doses. Abstaining from a drug for the times listed above will ensure 100% beyond any doubt that you will pass your test for that substance. For a single time – or inconsistent – user the detection times will be halved or greater in many cases.

If your sample is sent to a lab it will be inspected with very precise tools. However, these tools are expensive and exhaustible, meaning they are not interested in wasting those valuable resources on everyone’s urine, checking for obscure chemicals they’ve likely never heard of.

Usually, it will only be sent to a lab if you fail the preliminary test. If it’s for pre-employment, they may simply dismiss you altogether, false positive or not. It’s unfair and ridiculous, but that’s corporate America in a nutshell. But if it’s a probation (or any court-related) screening they’ll be – more or less – legally obligated to send it in for verification. At that point, there’s nothing you can do but sit back and wait for your results.

I hate drug test myths, I really do. I used to not really care, and take amusement in the naiveté, but now I’ve seen real harm done because of them. So here are some quick dismissals of urban legends:

  • Bleach does not “clear your system,” or clean it, or do anything. Quantities as little as 4 drops can purify an entire gallon of water. That means every harmful bacteria in that water is ensured to be completely mitigated with 4 drops of bleach. Imagine what a teaspoonful could do to the beneficial bacteria in your digestive tract. I heard a person swear by bleach drinking. She was on probation for an entire year, and “passed every time but once” by drinking bleach. I didn’t ask for her method, but I would assume it included lots and lots of water, seeing as her digestive system seems to still be in working order…
  • There are no legal repercussions from failing a pre-employment test. If you fail, the only bad news is you’ll not be offered a position. But there will not be any officers knocking on your door (because of the drug test, anyway).
  • Tests do not test for gender, age, race, height, menopause, penis size… I believe the same episode of Seinfeld I mentioned earlier perpetuated this myth. Rest assured, males and females can substitute urine for each other to their heart’s content. There is no chance of discovery beyond actually transferring the liquid and keeping it at the correct temperature.
  • No those ridiculous “get clean” tests don’t work.I already addressed this briefly, but it bears repeating. Stop paying hard-earned money for this shit; you might as well spend it on weed. Most of the directions have you drinking so much water, you might start to wonder if they’re trying to help you pass or drown you. Truth is, they’re simply taking advantage of stressed-out people, and forcing them to perform dilution before taking credit for the positive result.
  • “My cousin passed by hopping on one foot while drinking lime juice from a shot glass and then performing three backflips.” Anecdotal evidence aside, drug tests are notoriously inaccurate. Dirty people pass, clean people fail, and everything in between. It’s not a fair game, and the only winners are those who get lucky. You can do what you can to increase your odds, though, and that’s what this page is all about.

Now that all that is out of my system, let’s move past “how to beat the test.” Most people are unaware what a drug test actually entails, let alone what test they might receive. And with fancy names and acronyms like like GC/MS, Radio ImmunoAssay, and EMIT, good luck taking a guess.

Here’s what test you’ll be taking if:

  • Pre-Employment/Promotion- It wholly depends on your employer. I know it seems like a cop out, but it’s true. In most cases, lower paying jobs (likeretail employers) will use the most easily fooled type: the test cup/strip. On occasion they are known to use EMIT, but it’s rare, and GC/MS is almost unheard of. You will most likely go into a private stall or bathroom unsupervised to do your business. I have been to one employer who wanted to hair test me, and I’ve heard of some others. It’s a rare practice, but it does occur. In most cases they will not retest if you fail, they simply won’t offer you the job.
  • Drug/Alcohol Related Probation- As with anything in the court system it depends on a number of factors. Most probation programs will also use the test cup. If you fail and maintain cleanliness, the same sample will likely be sent to a testing facility for further examination. If you fail that, you have violated your probation terms and your fate lies in the hand of your probation officer or judge. You’ll want to be clean or diluted, as you will normally be watched by a probation officer.
  • Serious Probation/Job Incident- I don’t know exactly what test federal probation uses, but I would guess the EMIT. For employer-given tests due to a worker’s comp application or a work-related accident, they will almost always use an EMIT or even GC/MS. In fact, I believe the insurance company requires this, not necessarily the business itself. You will go to a testing facility, and likely enter unsupervised in a private room. Real-substitution or a break from usage plus dilution is recommended, as synthetic can be detected.
  • Military The military almost exclusively uses Radio ImmunoAssay (RIA), and you NEED to be clean. You will be closely watched (inspected), and this test is extremely accurate and notoriously difficult to trick. Other high-security-clearance employment positions will also use either this or the GC/MS test.

Many chemicals are known to produce false positives, much to the chagrin of the unsuspecting test subject. Many medications (including over-the-counter) will trip a drug test, as well as some various foods. Some tests have been altered to reduce the number of false positives, but they still exist, and it’s still wise to take measures against them. False positives can even be caused by your own body. For the most part you’ll generally be ok with modern tests, but there are still some substances you’d be smart to avoid in the few days before a test.
Amphetamines:

  • Amantadine
  • Bupropion (Wellbutrin/Zyban)
  • Chloroquine (Aralen)
  • Chlorpromazine (Thorazine)
  • Desipramine (Norpramine)
  • Dextroamphetamine or DXM (Dexedrine, Mucinex, Robitussin, CCC, etc.)
  • Ephedrine (Energy supplements/allergy meds)
  • Labetalol
  • Mexiletine (Mexitil)
  • Procainamide
  • Phentermine (Adipex)
  • Phenylephrine (Neo-Synephrine/Phenergan/other allergy or cold meds)
  • Propranolol (Inderal)
  • Pseudoephedrine (Claritin-D/Sudafed/Zyrtec/various allergy pills)
  • Quinacrine (Atabrine/Mepacrine)
  • Rantidine (Zantac)
  • Selegiline (Deprenyl)
  • Trazadone (Desyrel)

Cannabinoids:

  • Efavirenz (Sustiva)
  • Cannabis Seed/Hemp Oil
  • Pantoprazole (Protonix)
  • Dronabinol/Marinol (only legal in prescribed applications, not always accepted)

Opiates:

  • Fluroquinolones (Levaquin)
  • Ofloxacin (Floxin)
  • Papaverine (Papaverine)
  • Rifampin (Rimactane)
  • Poppy seeds (just like Seinfeld!)

Barbiturates:

  • Phenytoin (Dilantin)
  • Primidone (Mysoline)

Benzos:

  • Oxaprozin (DayproTM)
  • Sertraline (Zoloft)

There are a number of ‘test-proof’ drugs, including substitutes for almost any known illicit chemical available. The following few should go undetected by any of the lower-end tests like the panel cups/strips:

  • *Ketamine – Ketamine has been reported to trip drug tests for PCP, but I have never experienced this myself. I have passed tests that included PCP while using ketamine.
  • *Tramadol – While Tramadol is an opioid class of drug, it does not release the same metabolites as any other popular opiate/opioid. So it will pass panel tests (personal experience).
  • *Fentanyl – Another opioid that metabolizes into unique chemicals that would not normally be included on a panel test.
  • *Muscle relaxers (Carisoprodol, Cyclobenzaprine, etc) – Also known as Soma will pass panel tests (personal experience).
  • *MDMA – This can false positive a test for amphetamines, but most panel tests do not include it explicitly. Be careful with this one as it could burn you with a false positive.
  • LSD – Psychedelics are out of the system too soon (basically when you stop tripping) and are not tested for.
  • Mushrooms – Same as LSD
  • Mescaline (Peyote, Peruvian Torch, San Pedro, etc) – Same as LSD
  • Research chemicals (2c-*, DO*, *-NBOMe, etc) – Same as LSD
  • Kratom – not tested for and legal in most places
  • DXM – OTC so you can do it to your heart’s content. However it can trip a test for amphetamines so be warned.
  • Various synthetic cannabinoids (avoid the banned ones like JWH-018)
  • Nitrous – Legal and probably untestable.
  • Tobacco – only tested for insurance or healthcare purposes.

*The marked drugs WILL show up on a lab test, but the rest will pass.

I hope this information is helpful, I have been through the drug screening wringer many, many times. A page like this is what I always tried to find, but never could. I will continue to update this as needed, but if you have any questions or comments don’t hesitate to leave one below, or even e-mail me at lotus@stonerculture.com

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

1,295 Responses to “Stoner’s Guide to Cheating/Beating Drug Tests”

  1. Lotus Says:

    When was the supposed use? And what made her think it was meth?

  2. Wolves29 Says:

    Because that’s what drug her sister uses. As former users the feeling was familiar. It was Friday night at 10 pm and the test is tomorrow. 9 am. I purchased a detox agent called stinger total detox but I heard the the I cup can test for that. This is a very sad situation but she is drinking lots of liquid. Is there hope?

  3. Lotus Says:

    Well unfortunately I didn’t have time to check the comments yesterday, so it’s a little late. But I was gonna say don’t use the detox (just cause it’s an unnecessary risk and won’t do anything), just drink a lot of water and I think she’ll be ok. The detection time for meth is normally 24-48 hours, but in certain cases it can be up to 5 days. So hopefully she doesn’t have bad luck! Hope everything goes well for ya, please let me know how it turned out

  4. BeccaD Says:

    If I freeze urine today (pee then freeze in a sterile baby food jar) then on 03/06 take the jar out the freezer & defrost in microwave, possibly warm to right temperature, wrap in hand warmer to keep warm & go take my test will it work? Has anyone ever done this? Was your test a dip stick test? Or sent to lab?

  5. Lotus Says:

    Yeah you can definitely do that. In fact it would probably be ok in the fridge, but freezing would be best. Plenty of people have done this. Key is just to heat it up slowly so you don’t evaporate any water. It will pass any test.

  6. curious Says:

    Can using 80%clean yrine but topping it off 20% dirty urine work?

  7. Lotus Says:

    It certainly can especially if you drink a ton of water to dilute your urine. But why do you need to top it off?

  8. DEE Says:

    I have abnormally low body fat. Will that effect how marijuana is stored and am I more likely to pee dirty for probation,

  9. Lotus Says:

    Yes it will affect it, it will make weed stay in your system for less time.

  10. jcivic Says:

    Can a woman (age+20) taking a urine lab test for work.
    Use a younger boys pee (age-10) to pass test?
    Taking into consideration for quantity and temp.

    And has it been tested and does it work or myth?

  11. Lotus Says:

    You can do it 100%. Not a myth or a rumor, they do not test for gender or age.

  12. Britt Says:

    If I went to urgent care to get drug screened before I take my labcorp test and all my results came back negative, should I be good for the labcorp test?

  13. Lotus Says:

    Most likely yes, it’s kinda surprising if you failed the next one.

  14. Britt Says:

    Should I sit in the sauna one last time before I go to take my test?

  15. Lotus Says:

    If the test is in the next 24 hours then no, you want to do the opposite and keep your fat from burning.

  16. kris Says:

    I took a test yesterday, haven’t hardly smoked any in the past few months compared to what I was smoking. Last time I smoked was valentines day and only took 2 hits, drank water night before and 40 oz day of and used second piss of the day, should I pass?

  17. Lotus Says:

    I would say you should probably pass. I mean there’s still a small chance you could fail, so don’t come kill me if you do. But 95% of the time you would pass under those circumstances

  18. Krazy420 Says:

    Is there anything that can cause a false positive for blow? I.e. lidocaine. I’ve been reading mixed opinions on this matter. ..

  19. Lotus Says:

    To my knowledge, no there is nothing that shows up as a false positive for that. I have a list from a lab of all the false positives and they don’t even mention one for coke, whereas most drugs have at least one or two.

  20. JonSnow Says:

    So I had to take a random drug test today. According to the paperwork it is a 5 panel test. I wasn’t a heavy smoker, a few times a week for the past 6 months or so. My first time smoke in over a week was Friday, today is Monday. I also smoke a bit Saturday night. Nothing on Sunday. I did what I could to dilute the sample as much as possible. I drank two 16oz monster rehabs and about 25-30 oz of water. It’s all I had and there wasn’t anyway to anything more. After the test I went and bought a home kit to see what it said and a few hours after my random I passed the home test. It was a faint pink line but there was a line. What are the chances I also passed the random?

  21. Lotus Says:

    Hmm I would say about 50/50. You definitely could pass but it’s pretty sketchy. Best of luck, let me know how it turns out!

  22. hot pregnant wife Says:

    Im sharing because the comments ive read here and elsewhere saved us. We are married, my husband was laid off in August 2015, we have a baby and I am due in 2 months. Our unemployment ran out this week

    My husband had to pass a dt yesterday. He was a daily smoker he slowed down 3 months ago to a couple times a week and then quit two weeks prior to getting the offer. We had 10 days. He tried a hardcore ALL FIBER diet, WITH SUPPLIMENTS. Ddetox tea and drinks, so much water and 5 times a day in our sauna. After five days he was still positive, even if he tested negative, we were concerned. So we had to replan for substitution. Though he kept the detox going. On the day of the test he still tested positive with a light control liine. No bueno.

    it was a basic ecup test, not dot.

    He substituted clean urine. I wouldn’t rely on detox.

    How we substituted. I got clean male pee the night before in a glass jar, though I’ve heard it’s illeagal to test hormones, I’m still pregnant and didn’t want to take a chance. Refrigerated overnight.

    I bought a 3oz lotion tube at walmart, handwarmers and a temperature strip online, rubberbands, and a baby bottle warmer for the car (kept the receipt and returned it.. said it broke). We brought two thermometers to confirm the temperature. He wore a pair of my spandex shorts to be sure it wouldn’t go anywhere.

    The baby bottle warmer got the temp up to 106, so be aware. It gets hot. The temp should ideally be between 94 and 100 but you can pass 90 to 100.

    It was an hour door to door.

    We had to sit let it cool down in the parking lot next door. Checked with both thermometers until it was a hundred. Rubber banded the hand warmer to the pee, wrapped it in papertowel, and sent I’m in.

    They handed him an ecup, he went in a private bathroom and (having practiced) was able to quietly open the lotion bottle and empty the cotents. Checked the temp strip, swirled it a bit to cool down, peed for real and handed the sample.

    The woman looked at it, nodded and he left.

    He passed. Has a brand new job.

    Originally he was going to use a Scrunchie to strap it on, but we didn’t think he would be observed.

    I recommend wearing a belt that makes a little noise and jiggle it if you need to cover up the sound of opening the top. If your eine observed, don’t close it, it makes a snap sound. Use the papertowel to prevent dripping.

    Having someone with you does a lot to keep you calm and help you measure temps. You can do it on your on though. We were sick with worry but it went very smoothly because we practiced alot and ironed out all the problems.

    Practice in the car with the warmer, heating up and cooling down. Practice opening and closing quietly. Practice walking around with it in your pants, that’s how we knew boxer briefs were not enough. We had a lot of trial and error. Just wanted to share a passed test in 2016.

  23. Anonymous Says:

    Stops smoking 4 days before PTest. Drank water. Ate right
    Cranberry pills. Juices. And day of urine e test. I drank xxclean and urinated 2 times. Had a panel five done. They sent the collected sample to 5 states away! So my question is. The detox going to stay in my urine sample. I smoke every night. But not heavy. Weigh 160 5’6 female. What y’all think?

  24. Lotus Says:

    I would guess that you’ll fail. It’s possible that you would pass but not very likely. Did they do a panel test with instant results and then send it off? Or just send it off right away?

  25. Anonymous Says:

    Hi,

    Looking for some reassurance.

    Very rare smoker( 1 joint a month at most)
    5,11
    80kg
    Very active (lift weights, run about 20km a week, cycle 10km everyday)

    So I smoked a joint exactly 30 days ago (0.2g weed mixed with tabacco)

    I have been testing myself with 3 different thc home test (first sign 50ng/ml, home diagnostic 25ng/ml and u test 4 panel 20,50,100,200)

    I have passed all these test with first void of the day but very unsure on how accurate they are. (Google search has scared me)

    I am going away on a project with work in the next week which may lead to me having to take a drug test.

    Is there anything I should be worried about?

  26. Lotus Says:

    No you should be great! Google search can be very misleading, which is actually the main contributor to me writing up this article and responding to questions haha

    But anyway, with a month clean and an active lifestyle, God would truly have to hate you for you to fail. You haven’t done any human sacrifices in a church lately, have you?

  27. Anonymous Says:

    Thanks lotus.

    Yes Google is a scary and very misleading place.

    I think some people deliberately try and tell people horror stories just because they have failed themselves and are bitter about it.

  28. Rian Says:

    I’ve seen where you say they cannot test for age in standard tests, but I’ve seen conflicting info on other forums. Can you clarify why that is not a possibility. I’ve gotten a pre employment test and a friend with a 9 year old who will pee for me. I just want to make sure they can’t test for hormones or testosterone, or lack thereof

  29. Lotus Says:

    What I say is right. They do not test for anything related to gender or hormones.

  30. Jennifer B Says:

    I have been taking adipex for two months. I took one yesterday morning. I am also on Zantac but haven’t taken one since Saturday evening. I have a drug test with felony probation today. I took two midols this morning to help. Can I pass?? I cannot afford for the test to come up positive for drugs when I do not take them but after some research, I am not so sure that I will not come up with a false positive which I doubt that probation will believe…. Please help.

  31. Lotus Says:

    If you do fail, which isn’t a guarantee, but IF you do, they will verify the results with a lab test. If they don’t, make them – it’s your right. This will erase any worries of a false positive. I think you’ll be ok even before that, but please update us on what happens.

  32. Anthony B Says:

    Can you pass a drug test in 33 days if I’ve been smoking 1/2 oz week of A-B grade as well as dabs and edibles… 6’1 240 pds majority of it muscle I lift 5 days a week as well as taking a fat burner to speed up metabolism

  33. Lotus Says:

    Yeah that shouldn’t be a problem. You can buy an at home test if you’re worried but after 30 days you should be good.

  34. Anonymous Says:

    Could you fail for THC if you heated up fake urine by putting it in your mouth and spitting it in the cup? (If you needed heat and fast)

  35. Lotus Says:

    I don’t think so, it’s not the same metabolite being tested for in urine as saliva, so it shouldn’t trigger the test to my knowledge. However, it would probably take too long to warm up in your mouth, and there are better ways to do that. Besides, how gross would that be lol

  36. Smokeordie Says:

    Got a test coming up in two weeks… Haven’t smoked for two weeks after smoking heavy for about 5 months… Like every hour on the hour except when I’m sleep… I quit smoking to prepare for this test and without thinking I’ve eaten acai bowls with hemp seeds in them for the past three days… Does this start my clock over and should I just go ahead and start smoking again and get the fake pee ready or am I still good with the remaining 2 weeks? Everything I’ve read has tested hemp seeds with non users and not users that are trying to clean up… Or can I use the hemp seeds as an excuse if I fail… It’s for probation but it’s highly unlikely they’d put me in jail for a dirty on thc

  37. Lotus Says:

    Hemp seeds will not cause you to fail. If you would pass on your own without the hemp seeds, you’d pass with them too. If I read your thing right it means you’ll have a month of total clean time by the test. In that case you should be perfectly fine, but if you’re still worried you can drink a bunch of water the day of the test.

    Is the first test for probation? The first test they usually use as a baseline. Meaning if you fail it’s not going to put you in jail, but if you fail two in a row or at least the levels don’t drop later on, they’ll be pissed.

  38. Smokeordie Says:

    It is my first test for probation… Kinda funny because I’m on probation due to something I did while drunk… When I smoke I don’t drink and I’m a pretty mellow guy while smoking buuuttt I’m not supposed to smoke while on probation… I can drink all I want as long as I’m not caught red handed…Gotta say our justice system is a little out of whack

  39. Smokeordie Says:

    If anybody’s interested after an insane amount of smoking edibles and dabbing… Basically everyday all day on the hour every hour it took me exactly 26 days to get a pass a home drug test… Didn’t do anything special besides quit… Even got 6 days to spare

  40. Lotus Says:

    Good to know, thanks for your info!

  41. Smokeordie Says:

    On that note… If I take just a couple hits today 4/20 would I be clean again in those 6 days?

  42. Stoner chick Says:

    Hi! So I smoked maybe a gram on the 10 of this month. I have a probation drug test tomorrow. I work out daily about an hour a day give or take. That was the only lyrics time I have smoked in years. Is there a chance I could pass tomorrow? I have clean pee, but I hate messing around with it if I can just pass on my own. Some things I find on the net says I should be okay. My stoner friends say I should be OK, but I find conflicting information. Thoughts?

  43. Stoner chick Says:

    Test is at 10 am btw

  44. Lotus Says:

    Lol I wouldn’t risk that so close to the test. It’s possible you’d pass but also very possible you wouldn’t.

  45. Lotus Says:

    Well it’s possible that you would fail, you have decent odds of passing though. I would recommend at the very least drinking a ton of water before the test. If I were you I’d use the clean pee, but I’m the paranoid type 😉

Leave a Reply